we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
