Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
it was like eating out sand paper
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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