she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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