every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
