Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
