when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
