So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
