You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
