Kiss
Puke
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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