No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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