I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
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