He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
