sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
