The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
