I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
