I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
