I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Randomize
