My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
