Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
