My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
