she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm like, not good at living.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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