I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
