She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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