Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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