If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
