Plan B is the new Plan A
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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