:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
