One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
