are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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