First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
meet me or not, i'm out of control
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
