He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
