He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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