His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
