You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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