I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
