Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
