i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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