I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We have so much sex to catch up on
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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