I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
