It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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