Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
