that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
