she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
