I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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