omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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