That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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