he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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