Sponge bath it is.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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