When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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