Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
