cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
