Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Randomize
