dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
