worst night to have a conscience
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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