the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
