shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Don't tell me you're on acid again
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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