Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just had sex on a roof
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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