dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
