soooo we both peed the bed last night...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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