We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Randomize
