You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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