dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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