Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
