no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
