I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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