Best friends brother. Beat that.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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