In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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