whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
