I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
