Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
