All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I cut my penus on the lid.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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