he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
