I hope mine doesn't look like that
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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