I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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