I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
