We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
