Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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