You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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