gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
