I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
