i just wanna soil my oats bro
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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