Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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