so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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