I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize