And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
