she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
