I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
